Guilty of Being Guilty: Some Thoughts on Motivation

driveon2985 said

A lot of guys talk about feeling guilty about their pornography use as if they deserve the negative feeling. This is just a trap we set for ourselves. We look at pornography and then we punish ourselves by feeling guilty then when the guilt fades we look at pornography again. The reason this happens is because guilt is a lame punishment. All it does is make you feel negative and down on yourself which then causes you to feel stressed out. When a human being is feeling negative, down on himself/herself and stressed out, they seek escape. Pornography is a behavior we use to escape and its often the easiest form after one of these guilt sessions we give ourselves.

We should feel guilty if we know it isn't right ---even if it's only a little guilt deep inside of us. We need not necessarily feel remorse (especially in a society where pornography is so widely accepted as a cultural norm). It seems to me that most people's first experiences with porn involve at least a small amount of guilt (naturally), but we keep exploring the wide world of pornography as a "guilty pleasure" because it feels so damn good.

If we didn't experience any guilt (for something we felt was wrong --like hurting someone else), then we'd be blurring the line between "normal" and "psychopathic." Guilt, albeit both a horrible motivator and a great stressor, is a useful human emotional reaction that reflects the state of one's conscience. It serves as a flag for us ---not as a referee. We're our own referee. Fuck doing something (or not doing something) because I feel bad about it, I should be doing something (or not) because I feel good about it.

That is, in the end, I want to be porn-free because I feel good about giving myself to the love of my life completely, and because I feel good about using my time in more constructive ways. In the same way, I feel good when she gives herself to me entirely and unreservedly.

I don't "not fuck random girls" because I'd feel bad about it (though I would; excuse the awkward double negative), but rather, I simply only make love to the love of my life because it's more fulfilling that way. It's not a cheap trick of euphemisms to swindle one's own thoughts into compliance, it's more about asking what's the motivator? Because honestly, positive motivators are much more effective than negative ones.

That guilt feeling our conscience springs on us isn't meant to be a cattle-prod, forcing us toward the desired destination. It's supposed to be like riding over the raised yellow lanes on the freeway: if you know what you're doing ---go for it. But if you weren't paying attention --stop drifting before something happens!

Well, at least that's my take on guilt when it comes to things of little consequence. And though I'm contradicting the whole point of my journal here, porn is one of those things "of little consequence." If for no other reason, it's so because we don't usually see the harm it causes. One can argue that porn is a horrible evil and that those involved in the making of it are often scarred and taken advantage of and blah blah BLAH. It may be true, but the fact is that people don't feel that way because they don't see the hurt, pain, or harm caused by the industry. It's like getting your clothes from a company who uses child labor: if you don't think about it or see it, then you probably won't care or feel guilty about it.

And that's how porn is. Most people don't feel guilty because they feel for those who have been taken advantage of. If they feel guilty at all it's because they believe it to be taboo or because they know they're doing something they aught not to do (wasting time, cheating on their gf, etc...)

So yeah, guilt is a lame punishment. But the problem isn't that a lot of guys have chosen a lame punishment to keep them from looking at porn, it's that they've chosen punishment as a motivator.