Porn and "Cheating"

driveon2985 said:

Without pornography, its really tough at first to get fully aroused. Our imagination isn't as powerful as the internet.

If you're like me, you're going to find yourself checking out girls on the street more often and then feeling frustrated that you can't take out your desires on women online (where it isn't technically cheating on your girlfriend).

Arg... if only internet porn wasn't really cheating on my girlfriend... Well, it isn't really "physically" cheating on her, but it is really "emotionally/psychologically" cheating on her. Lusting after another woman, period, is the act we're talking about, right? And you're 100% correct: for some reason since we never consummate our lust we just don't feel that guilty after porn.

Granted --it would be worse to physically carry out our lust in the flesh with someone else. Why though? What separates porn from that action? Is it that different if someone came over and gave me a blow job? I think yes and no, the reasons or which are different for men and women. I think men have an easier time separating sex and emotional attachment (in general). It seems to me, through simple observation over the years, that it's generally accepted amongst men that sometimes they want "just a fuck". It's not love, it's a no-strings-attached fuckbuddy session to relieve some stress and fulfill some basic human needs.

On the other hand, for women, this seems to be much harder and general. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, either; I'm simply making an observation. For a lot of women, when they have sex with someone there's more to it than the mechanics of fucking --there's some level of emotional attachment. Now, some women fall into the previous category and that's why there are some true-to-life fuckbuddies, and some men fall into the other camp, but the truth is that most of us fall somewhere in-between.

Bear with my blanket statements for a moment...

So for a woman to see a man having sex, it feels like he's letting himself become emotionally attached to someone else. For a guy looking at himself in the mirror, though, looking at porn is a no-strings-attached deal (I tell myself). There's no love there, obviously, just some cum and a warm rag. But somehow deep inside I know I lie to myself. It does affect my relationship. As would having sex with someone else. Maybe they're not exactly the same, but in the end they both have a negative impact on something I hold dear. Even letting myself become attached or involved in a non-physical but emotional or flirty way is pretty bad. And in this sense, it's all cheating if we're not being 100% loyal in thought, emotion, and body.

Nobody's perfect, everybody slips up, but hopefully it never gets past the thought stage into the emotion stage or the physical one --cuz then you're fucked. Literally. And watch yourself when you're punch-drunk-inebriated because it's easy to skip that emotional stage when drunk and go straight to the fucking.

So, let me get this straight: it's "just as bad" to look at a girl-next-door porn video and jack off to it a billion times as it is to have the girl from down the street walk into your apartment and give you a blow job. On the flip side, it's actually worse if it happens in real life?

Nothing makes sense anymore. All I know is that if I do either i'm toast. And why would I want to do either if they're both something that hurts my relationship?

That's a damn good question and one that I'll write off to the imperfect carnal nature of the human soul... because we all have our moments when we'd like to do both. Hopefully someday I'll be so far removed from porn that I won't crave it anymore. As life would have it, It seems that after several years in a serious relationship I less and less crave one of those one-night-stands that I used to dream of (and enjoy once in a while) as a young, single, available male.

But if driveon2985 is right, I'll have to keep all my cravings in check as the withdrawal symptoms kick in, because I think I did use it sometimes to relieve desires I avoided having with women I knew or met in real life. Why check her out when I know I can stare with no limit at someone and not even have to imagine *this or that* because I can actually watch it. Over and over again.